Aircraft Driver

OF MANAGEMENT AND HOUSEWIFE

2006-08-25T04:22:00.000-07:00

1. In the previous article I gave you a piece of my mind on hospitals, doctors, patients and the art of enjoying the stay in Mil Hosp. First of all let me thank each one of you for the flood of communications that were received on e& snail mail in response to my article. Regardless of the universal condemnation for lowering of standards of the blogs, let me inform you that as a fellow netizen I am relieved because your communications pro

ved that guys do read every article on the net and they care. For the thousands who sent me hate mail on the e-address, remember however much as I would like to reply individually, it costs money, and I am just a middle aged, medically unfit ac driver. I know you will empathise and understand. So keep up the response and I will continue with the articles!

2. In this article I will deal with a very important topic that will not only help you in becoming good officers/managers but also subsequently help you to rise at workplace. To those who think I am going to talk about Golf - Sorry you are wrong! I am going to tell you how to learn management from a housewife. I will cover the topic in three parts. I will first tell you what Management means to an Officer, secondly I will tell you how to manage your subordinates especially the difficult ones and lastly but most importantly I will tell you how to manage your Boss – All this by observing and learning from a housewife.

3. To start with, I always thought that Management was something one learnt in schools or colleges in a two-year diploma course, three-year degree course or many years of correspondence courses. That you can learn it at home from a housewife, struck me a few months after marriage. For seven years I had seen shortages in the IAF of every kind; be it ac and spares at work or chicken in the mess, the excuse always was a very diverse inventory and a resource crunch. You would agree with me, as I realized soon after marriage, the inventory at home was as diverse and the resources were as scarce but did we ever run out of essentials? Never! What was the secret? Was it only because we men keep out of the complex domestic affairs? No! It is because wives are excellent managers. In our kitchen I found a wide yellow tape on each storage jar, bin or bottle. As soon as the stored quantity touched the top of the tape, wife would promptly tell me she had to go shopping! It is a different thing that her complete wardrobe seemed to be covered in yellow tapes; but I suppose every system has some follies. Anyway experts term it as ‘Visual system of Inventory Control’. So obviously I realised that there is a lot to learn on Management from housewives and unlike many others I decided to share the knowledge with you all.

4. What then is Management? Different authors and managers have defined it in many complex ways but to put it simply, keeping the AF Officers in perspective, it comprises of three basic tasks: -

(a) To identify your responsibilities and get committed to them.

(b) To identify your resources (money, material, machine and men) and ultimately realize that you are your own best resource.

(c) To experiment with the resources to produce the results.

And the best example of this is the housewife. Every girl soon after marriage identifies her responsibility and gets committed to it. Her responsibility is to convert a piece of architecture called house onto a place of physical and psychological support called home. There is a saying in Sanskrit that when translated into English says ‘A House without a housewife is like a jungle’. If you don’t believe me then wait till your wife goes to her mother’s place! So, having committed to her responsibility she looks at her resources which invariably is the husband’s inadequate income. But see how she uses herself as a resource to make do the deficiency. I am sure many of you would have had an occasion to be offered tea in a lower middle class home. Just as you are wondering about the chipped plaster, the dented steel glass and the broken canes in the furniture, you get served with a hot steaming cup of tea and before you take the first sip a sweet voice from behind the curtain asks you “Is the sugar OK?” Haven’t you felt the sweetness of the voice making up for everything? Well that’s what management is for you as Officers. No point in cribbing about meager resources, invariably you would have to utilize your own resource to produce the results.

5. That much about management. But the next problem would be how to manage a subordinate, that too a difficult one. Actually there are many ways but considering my limitation in terms of the length of this article I shall only touch upon Development of Subordinate, Motivation and finally Delegation. Your own housewife will show the way. Let us consider each factor one by one. It’s very common to hear Managers in any organization say-these youngsters now a days they are no good! Some have experience but no initiative, others have initiative but no experience and if they have both then they have no qualifications! No one is developing here. I would say, you want to see how to develop a subordinate, then look at your wife. What she teaches your kid in first three years can’t be doubled in his lifetime: Language, Ethics, Etiquettes, Manners, how to walk, how to talk - the list is endless. For example look at her teaching your kid how to walk. The child holds her saree and learns to take a few steps. She tells him “ Leave the saree, now you are a big boy”. The child hesitates, says, “ No I will fall”. She inspires confidence and insists. Invariably the child agrees, takes a few steps and falls. What does she do? Applauds each step of the child, picks him up when he falls and immediately kicks the floor saying “You were doing fine, the floor came in the way.” Do you see the underlying principles of management? ‘Show of confidence’, ‘Appreciation of efforts’ and most important ‘Support in case of failure’. I believe the modern textbooks call it HUMAN RESOURCE DEVELOPMENT.

6. Next let us discuss Motivation. To motivate a subordinate you need to inculcate a sense of Identity, a sense of Importance and something that I would term as belief in ‘Process Happiness’. Once you’ve done that you’ll never have motivational problems. Look at a housewife. Have you seen any labor more bonded than that of a housewife? Its work 24 hours a day, 365days in a year for her. The best part is she is working in a house where she’s not even born or brought up. One fine day you perform that age old trick of taking her around the fire seven times and throwing some rice at her and there you have her for a life time. Look at her change. Soon when she says ‘ my house’ she is not talking of the place where she was born and brought up for more than 20 years but where she has just lived for 20 days. That’s what sense of identity does. When she goes to her mother’s place there are calls every other evening, “Darling how are you, how’s the house, how’s the dog” etc. As if the sky could have fallen down! But of course you never tell her the truth, that the house is fine, the dog is having a ball (fun) with the neighbor’s bitch and you of course have two of them to play with! All you say is “It’s terrible, why don’t you come back soon”. Now why this lie? Because it gives her a sense of importance and then she is yours for keeps. Nowadays you hear officers and men both saying, “we are stagnating in the Air Force, there is no motivation to work, we are actually rotting here”. “Well, I say if you’ve been rotting for so long then you must be stinking by now”. But they insist, “ Jokes apart, without promotion or raise there is no motivation”. So ask them “ when did you last promote your wife or gave her a raise? Have you ever seen a Chief wife or a General wife? On the other hand have you seen any loss of motivation in your wife over the years? No? Then teach your subordinates Process happiness and not Destination happiness. One will last them for their career but the other would last for a few days, weeks or a month. Being in the AF should itself be a motivation and not trying to prove one up with extra allowances. If that is what makes you fight for the country then we are in trouble. Learn from your wife. Inculcate Process happiness and the subordinates will remain motivated forever. Another way to manage a subordinate is by Delegation. It’s very common to hear senior officers remarking “Look at these youngsters, intelligent but very difficult to manage, always negative, always non-cooperative”! I say, “Look at your wives”. The most difficult person to manage on this world is your kid (of course that is after you). When your second one was born, the first one felt neglected, threw tantrums, broke things, and all in all became very difficult. What did your wife do? Did she ask you to transfer him? No, she called the elder one and said, “You are now the big brother/sister. This is your younger one. We have to look after him; we have to bring him up. So, when I bathe him you can come and soap him, when I dry him you apply the powder, when I go to the market you feed him and when we go to the party you give him company”! Lo and Behold that difficult one becomes well behaved, protective, almost a Deputy Mother or Father. What was the technique your wife used? Delegation. Remember it’s the most effective way to manage a difficult subordinate.

7. Having seen the Management of subordinates you would say, “that’s all right but the essence of a successful Officer is the Management of Boss”. So how to manage the boss? Easy boss! Just look at your wife, every man is a boss till the day of marriage but for how long? A week, 10 days or a month. If you have a doubt then let me ask you, “How many of you have spent 1000 rupees without asking your wife”. I am sure not one of you will reply in the positive. However, if I were to ask the same question at the ladies club meeting almost all the hands would go up. Then how is it that the husband earns but the wife spends? Simple because the wife has managed the boss! How does she do it? Elementary my dear Watson, she uses a three pronged strategy. Manage his Insecurity; manage his Ego and finally Management by Attrition (some call it Nagging). Of course there is one ultimate weapon if all these fail which I am afraid; you don’t have the required technology to possess- Tears! So lets first see how to manage the boss’s insecurity. Have you seen a two-year-old child play? It plays for four five minutes, checks if mother is around, plays for another five minutes and rechecks the same. This cycle continues. Now if you were to tell the child that your mother is gone it will stop playing, get panicky and start crying. Why? Because it feels insecure. The mother provides the security point. I know you’ll say, " What are you talking about, our bosses are more likely to be 55 year old and not two year old”. Gentlemen, the point is, whatever be the age, every man carries the insecurities of a two year old in him and so would your boss too. Successful Officers provide the same security point at work place as a mother to a child or as a wife to the husband at home. Do you get what I am hinting at?

8. Next let us see the ways to manage your boss’s ego. It can be done in two ways, but has to be subtle and gradual. First provide him importance. Do you remember the last weekend when you were lazing in the afternoon with newspaper in hand and kids playing in the verandah? The kids got naughty and boisterous. Suddenly you heard your wife shout, “Quiet kids or I will tell daddy!” Now everyone in the house knows what poor daddy is. But all the same daddy felt good, thrilled and important. Regardless of the outcome of the threat, she managed your ego and the same evening you added one microwave in the kitchen! That is one way to manage bosses ego, ‘Sense of Importance’. Another way is the age old ‘Flattery’. I don’t think you need an example. You can see the housewife practicing it very systematically, not only on the husband but also with the In-Laws! I suggest learn from her just as I have. Whenever she wears a new saree nowadays and asks me, “ Darling how do I look”? I never tell her the truth. Not worth it, actually! I just say beautiful and achieve peace and tranquility at home plus a sweet dish perhaps after dinner! Invariably when you get a new boss he will mention it at least once, “ Jacky I am very straightforward. I hate flattery”; but in the next party after two drinks it would do you good if you walk up to him and say “ Boss one thing I like about you frankly, no flattery”!

9. Now lets see the last technique ‘Management by Attrition’. Take for example our buying the colour TV or similar such thing in any other household. When every neighbour had it my wife said, “What about our having one”. I said no for three valid reasons: one very costly, two, bad influence on children, three, one tends to become antisocial. After a month my wife said, “You know, the kids are going to the neighbours to watch TV.”I said “that’s neighbours’ problem why are you worried”. After another month she said “You’ve got your DA arrears, how about Plasma TV?” I said “no Plasma TV”. In the next four months we had similar conversation six times. Five times I said No and the sixth time I took PF loan and bought the TV! After all how long can you say: no, no, no, No? Suddenly it becomes yes! That is good enough for her. You would have had similar occasions at the office. Till the time you are convinced of the nobility of action or cause, no harm in converting your boss’s no to yes in the manner your wife does.

10. So you see, if you keep looking around yourself, solutions to many other management problems can be seen handled at home that too by your wife. After all, apples fell from a tree for ages. Every one saw it but only one chap Newton told us about the three laws of motion just by looking at the apple. Similarly I am sure all of you have looked at women, some covertly and others overtly. I hope fourteen years of my intimate study of a housewife and thirty more years of general study of women will help you learn Management from housewife and be successful Officers. However I must also warn you do not try to pit your skills against a woman because Man is like a simple computer – single channel input, processing, and single output but Woman is an IBM mainframe. Multichannel input, simultaneous processing and multichannel output. Consequently, you can never be as good a manager as a housewife. Subject to this handicap I am sure you can learn a lot from a housewife, which will help you in your career. So do observe women- I promise its all play while you learn, they wont disappoint you.

TINKER, TAILOR, PATIENT, PILOT

2006-08-09T03:41:00.000-07:00

Very few people get the opportunity to put their legs up, relax completely, get attended to 24 h a day and yet get paid for doing just that. Well, sometime back I had such a good stroke of luck. This wrong side of 40s’ ac driver was confined to a Military Hospital for institutional healing for about nine (?!) months. Unfortunately for the country, neither the doctors nor the nature supported me otherwise we could have made history while India was shining! Anyway, while the doctors got a guinea pig, this pig himself was at a loss as to how to utilise the opportunity. Considering the increased health consciousness in the armed forces, there were rarely any other pigs in the sty. The sisters had become matrons long ago and were no longer interested (to converse with a middle aged aircraft driver!). Rules discouraged visitors and rules did not permit leaving the hospital premises. Reading self-help/improvement or other books was at best a short-term solution because very soon you realise ‘you read one you read them all’. Rules however permitted one to acquire new skills like tinkering with watches, tailoring, typing and shorthand. When I suggested it to my dear wife, she had a strange look on her face. Clearly to her, a Watch engineer, a Master cutter or an Executive assistant ranked much lower in her ‘Kitty’ circle rankings as compared to the unfit, good not so old Pilot. In any case tell me seriously, do you expect a middle-aged ac driver to acquire such complicated and technical skills like repairing watches, negotiating smooth curves to give the perfect cut or to keep saying cheese while the boss was giving hell. If nothing else I certainly knew my shortcomings.

Thus over many idle days and many sleepless nights, watching the same girls displaying the same assets from various angles, repeatedly, on the same Fun TV channel, inspiration dawned at last. Why not give everybody some piece of my mind? And so was born this new millenniums most (un) published writer. It was not easy. Of course, social work is never easy. Social work you said?! Well, if writing full-length articles for the flight safety magazine isn’t social work then, then (India is shining!) I suggest you immediately seek an interview with the editor.

Anyway, having made the decision, years of training in fauj took over. One must start everything auspicious with AIM (not ‘OM’ silly!). The aim of this exercise is to utilise my time appropriately and also thereby provide a Win-Win situation for everybody. Win for me because I can keep myself busy, win for the hospital staff as I keep myself out of their way, win for the editor of the AF magazine as I already have explained, win for the youngsters as now they won’t be forced to write articles, win for the commanders because now they won’t have to get after the youngsters to write articles and finally win for the organisation because happy people make a happy organisation! (And you were wondering how social work?)

The very next task was to define the SCOPE of the exercise. The scope of the exercise is unlimited and can be redefined from time to time and article to article at the author’s sole discretion and of course editor’s pleasure. For example, this article introduces the out of job ac driver to his future readers, gets them hooked to waste their time (which in any case they love to do), provides invaluable tips to be an ideal guinea pig, provides idol to emulate and finally helps the organisation in all the ways as already mentioned without any additional expenditure to the state.

Having defined the scope let me start with the main body. I want to tell you all about being a good patient who remains positive, helps his doctors to help him back to good health at the earliest and enjoys himself while everyone fusses over him. So let us first start with defining a patient. A patient is a person who volunteers or is forced by the nature/ circumstances to volunteer to help few people make a good living while he patiently undergoes whatever they decide to do with his body and is expected to be grateful to them for having done that! In different circumstances/ different contexts they sometimes term it as wrongful confinement, prison, torture, abuse of human rights etc. Otherwise, how do you explain perfectly sober individuals being prevailed upon to strip, sometimes down to their birthday suit that too in mixed company full of strangers (remember Iraq and the Yanks). And I’ve not yet talked about polite smiles all around, silent nod off heads, jaws falling open and that unattractive clucking sound. Keeps you wondering subsequently for days on the (in) adequacy of your body parts!

Let us now type profile an ideal/exceptional patient. My experience tells me that a patient can be any of three varieties. The first is a patient by choice. He is there purely by choice and therefore doesn’t want to be helped. The second one may or may not be a patient by choice but has lost the will to fight and has left it all to god/destiny etc. The third and the one most likely to beat the disease, I term as the exceptional patient. He is a person who is successful at the career he likes, he is receptive, he is creative, remains employed one way or the other, sometimes may be hostile, has a strong ego, a high degree of self esteem, self love and a deep sense of own adequacy. He has the ability to retain control of his own life even in adversity. He is intelligent with a strong sense of reality, good sense of humour and an ability to see the funny part of life in difficult circumstances. He interprets problems and set backs as mere redirections and not failures. He is most likely to be a nonconformist with an unprejudiced mind and may read up books, surf the net to gain knowledge of his disease and give his doctors a run for their money. Well does this sound a bit like the Raymond’s ideal man? If it does, then just too bad because that is what it takes to beat a serious sickness. So all you fellow airwarriers who are in the hospital undergoing treatment or those who may require it in the future, here is your idol, here is your Sachin!

Having fuelled your aspirations let me now give you a few pearls of wisdom. Each one of them will prevent you from becoming a (guinea) pig. If you can ensure the following in your life then I guarantee that almost hundred percent of your battle for fitness is won: -

(a) Mind affects health directly. The extent to which you keep a positive frame of mind and love yourself determines your health. The choices you make about eating right, getting enough sleep, smoking, drinking, exercising regularly, wearing seat belts while driving etc all make a statement of how much you care about living and so determines almost 90 percent of your state of health. Remember-‘life is like a cafeteria, you can take your tray, select your food but pay at the other end’. You can indulge in anything you want but you will ultimately have to pay the price.

(b) Correct nutrition is important. Reduced intake of saturated fats, butter, cream, fried food, salt cured and charcoal broiled food, meat (especially the red variety), tea, coffee, hot spices, food with artificial additives/preservatives etc all improve your chances of prolonged good health. In addition increased consumption of fresh fruits, milk, vegetables, whole grain cereals etc ensure the same.

(c) Stress is a killer so learn to stay cool.

(d) Exercise, play and laughter stimulate the immune system, increases the oxygen level in the body, enables us to cope with stress and thus ensure good health.

(e) Did you know that regular safe sex ensures a high level of immunoglobin ‘A’? (I read it in one of those self-help books!) All that it means to you is ensure good health while having fun.

Even after having followed all the above suggestions regularly, if you are still destined to enjoy a break at the hospital then don’t worry here is Plan ‘B’. Remember these to ensure a speedy recovery: -

(a) Educate yourself completely on the cause and cure of your ailment. Internet is an excellent source of information.

(b) Cure requires a healing partnership between the patient and the doctor. Establish an active participation in the decision making process for the cure.

(c) Trust in the doctor and faith in the treatment is very important to achieve a cure. If you don’t have confidence in the diagnosis then you won’t have confidence in the cure.

(d) Beliefs shape the power of the treatment as well as its side effects.

(e) Knowing the truth but refusing to admit or accept prevents effective response by the body.

(f) Sharing one’s fears and problems lead to relief and healing.

(g) Meditation helps to focus the mind on healing and relieves stress.
Since you have been patient with me and persisted with this piece of my mind till now, I will not let you down. As promised, I will now tell you the points that can make a hospital stay more comfortable. Here are a few suggestions for all you fellow suffer (spelt and read as in Hindi language) ers: -

(a) Take clothes that are practical, comfortable and individual.

(b) Take room decorations of personal nature that inspire you.

(c) Try and ensure that your room/bed has an outside view. Even a view of the blue sky is helpful; just take it from me.

(d) Take a walkman (or a music system with an earphone) and your favorite music. It will help you relax.

(e) Share books, tapes as well as conversation with fellow patients.

(f) Keep a personal record of symptoms, treatment, tests and results.

(g) Plan to walk as much as possible. Be on your feet rather than your backside. Get moving as soon as possible if you undergo a surgery.

(h) For patients on prolonged stay, with your doctor’s consent, try and do some voluntary work at the hospital. Find your own areas and opportunities. You can spend time educating the men on topics like AIDS awareness, personal hygiene, first-aid or plain simple English language or you can spend time doing a little bit of gardening in the neglected patch in front of the ward. Find your own pot of happiness.

(i) Use a video cam/digital cam to record your progress. It helps even during the doctor’s review. After all, the camera always speaks the truth.

(j) Question your doctors on your diagnosis, treatment, prescription and tests etc.

(k) Speak up for your unique needs and desires.

(l) Request the surgeon, anesthesiologist to speak to you before, during and after the surgery, repeating positive messages.

(m) Lastly, arrange visits/calls from those who will nurture and love you.
At the Defence Services Staff College (mother of all fauji institutions) they teach you all about service writing. It is told that an average individual can concentrate at the most for 20 minutes. The alma mater’s dictat and also the sixth sense tells me that the time is drawing near when I no longer can assume immunity from being waylaid and beaten up by one of you, so I will quickly sum up. For all those who enjoyed wasting time with me, do not weep – it is the way of all things. Every thing always reaches its logical conclusion. The sun will set, flower will loose it’s bloom, one of you/your dear one’s will be a patient. Learn and teach how to be an ideal patient. And for those who are trying to discover my identity, remember- what’s in a name? Only time will teach what I failed in.

In the end, all it remains for me is to acknowledge the role of all those without whom you wouldn’t have got this opportunity. As is fashionable, I will first thank my parents for having brought me to this world, all my teachers (including life, god and all that) for having taught me what everybody knows, my wife for continuing to put up with me and not running away, to all those doctors responsible in my incarceration, to the Military Hospital for producing the right atmosphere, to the gardener who neglected the patch in front of the ward, to all those men who sat through my attempts at playing teacher-teacher in an English language class, to the doctor in the OT who permitted me the use of his computer and who so gamefully went through the article without making his comments public, to the staff in the OT who quietly minded being disturbed at off hours while doing what everybody does in summers in AC environment, to the friends who lent me all those self help books, to their authors who gave me the understanding of how to successfully indulge in piracy and be admired for it, to my bosses and colleagues who were so considerate as not to have disturbed me too often in the hospital, to the editor for publishing this and to you all for having encouraged me in writing the series of pirated material that is to follow! Finally a big thank you to all those whom I have failed to acknowledge. Well-‘Life is like that’.